


Shooting the Shit

by tigereyes45



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: AU, Church steals a robot body for this moment, Established Relationship, M/M, RvB Rare Pair Week, T because these two characters constantly fucking swear in the show, rarepair week 2020, rvbrarepairweek, so they do in this too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24214927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigereyes45/pseuds/tigereyes45
Summary: Grif and Church find a moment to relax and talk as they hide from their teams.
Relationships: Leonard L. Church/Dexter Grif
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26
Collections: Red vs. Blue Rare Pair Week





	Shooting the Shit

As he finishes his story the former de facto, blue team leader looks over to see Grif doubled over with laughter. For the first time in weeks, he hugged his sides and forgot all about the cigarettes he usually relied on to destress. Church would’ve smirked at the sight if he could. Instead, he feels pleased with himself and leans his robot body back against the rock they were hiding behind.

“You better hope Tucker never hears that story.”

“No shit, why do you think I’m telling you?”

“Uh because there’s no one else in this canyon to have a normal fucking conversation with?”

Gently hitting the bottom of his pack Grif pulls out another cigarette with his teeth. Anything for a little less effort. The orange-clad soldier leans his head over towards Church. His expectant, bright brown eyes resemble pennies that had just been washed. With a sigh, Church rolls his head instead of his eyes. He pulls out his own lighter. Grif leans closer.

“Ain’t that the goddamn truth.” He holds the cigarette comfortably between his teeth as he talks. Church lights the cigarette. Grif smiles as he takes the first big drag. With a reaction like that Church could only imagine just how much Grif was trying to speed his own death up.

“So how does it feel being back here, and knowing that you're a computer program?”

How long had he been sitting on that question? They’ve known the truth for months now, yet Grif had actively avoided bringing that up till now. He even got up in the middle of dinner a month ago when Simmons started asking him about it. It wasn’t like him to not voice his issues with shit. Maybe if he just takes a casual glance into his suit’s readings.

“I don’t know, how does it feel to be in love with a computer program? And don’t even try to deny it. AI program that can read your suit monitors. By the way, expect a heart attack in a few years.” Hopefully, the jokes were enough to cover up the fact that he just read through all of Grif’s latest emotional spikes and heart rates. His suit was reading him as within acceptable parameters. Even his groan was as per usual.

“Like I’m trapped with a dickhead.”

“Last time I counted it was eight dickheads. Plus you’re sister.”

Grif flicks the ashes off his cigarette. “So nine.”

“Yeah, nine assholes.”

Grif scoots closer before leaning against him. Church waits for the usual complaint of just how cold his metal body was. Then he would say it was better when he was possessing his old body, and then talk about how fucked up the director was for doing that, to begin with though. As much as he loved hanging out with the only other cynic that understood him, Grif could be really fucking repetitive sometimes.

“Hey Church, what would you do if I died?”

Except for when he wasn’t fucking predictable at all.

“What? Where the Hell is that coming from?”

Church’s body reacts lightning fast. It twists with his head as he goes to stare astonishingly down at him. Or he would have stared like that if he still had a human body. Damn, how was it still this difficult to change how his mind thinks about it. He’s a fucking computer after all. Shouldn’t thinking like one come naturally? Grif grabs his shoulder and pushes it back down to where it had been. He pushes and pulls Church’s body back into place, careful not to let his ashes land on him. Church moves to the nerve senses.

It’s different from how it used to be when they first started meeting up and fooling around. He can’t really feel Grif’s oily skin anymore or even the rough, bitter metal of his armor. Grif’s curly, lead black hair couldn’t tickle his nose or provide some pillowing between his arm and Grif’s head. His arm right side couldn’t grow numb anymore, or really feel anything besides the weight of Grif. That was all he could really feel now. The numbers, and codes feeding him all the information of just how much pressure Grif applies as he moves him.

“Dude you’re the one who brought up the fact that you’re a computer now. Who knows how long AIs live. Computers and droids are able to outlast humans by this point, so it’s possible you’ll outlast me. Unless you know, you end up going psycho or some shit, but I’m pretty sure O'Malley already had and he seemed to stick around forever.”

“Okay first off, I was warning you about a heart attack. The computer bit was just to remind you how I know.”

“Uh-huh,” Grif brushes his hair from his shoulder and pushes his head further along Church’s.

“Secondly, how the Hell am I supposed to know how long AIs last?”

“By googling it. Aren’t you, like always hooked up to the internet now?”

“That’s,” Church pushes his free hand up against his visor. “Not at all how that works.”

“Whatever. Let’s just not talk about this anymore.”

“Yeah.”

Grif slowly finishes his cigarette. Church points his head up as if to watch the cloudless sky. Secretly he keeps his ‘eyes’ on his love. Slowly Dexter’s face starts to droop. Gradually his head follows after. It must be hot out today because he was starting to sweat. Beads of moisture begin forming along his hairline first. Church memorizes him at this moment, as he found himself trying to do in every moment lately.

He was right. As little as Church would like to admit it. An AI could last longer than a human if they’re lucky and smart, but he wasn’t a full AI. Not anymore at least. Could he go into retrograde faster? Would he even get to see Dex a few years from now let alone when he would die? How would he handle it if Church was suddenly gone? Probably with a pretty laidback attitude. That’s how he gets through everything. Guess he has no choice but to do so in return.

“Hey,” he gently nudges him. Not much, just enough to get his attention. “if you died from something stupid I would record it and make sure no one ever forgot.”

It takes a few minutes for Dexter to respond. Long enough to make Church wonder if he had even heard him.

“Heh, you asshole.”

“Yeah,” Church admits it as he leans his head on top of Grif’s. Turning on his cooling system he reworks it so that a little bit of condensation would form on the outside of his armor. Just enough to help Grif stay cool without waking him up. Wash would probably be up here in a few to demand the robot back, and for Grif to get to work. Somehow despite being stuck with them all he still hasn’t learned how to get the stick out of his ass. When he finally does, that’ll be a day. Actually, maybe he could leave the robot there for a little bit and go cause some problems to keep Washington and Carolina busy. That might just make them go looking for him and Grif faster though.

Grif’s loud snoring cuts through Church’s plans. With him making noise like that it wouldn’t really matter if he tried to do something. They would still just find them. Well, shit, he’ll just have to try and enjoy this respite. 


End file.
